


N is for Never Forget

by scarletmanuka



Series: V/V Alphabet Challenge [14]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7675729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletmanuka/pseuds/scarletmanuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry. Don't worry, I'm bawling too. I'm a horrible person.</p></blockquote>





	N is for Never Forget

The afternoon was hot and heavy, with the promise of a storm before dark fell. The air was still and humid, and it was a battle to breathe. Havelock wiped his sweaty palms on his black trousers as he sat, and then grasped the limp hand in both of his. He rubbed circles on the skin with his fingers, still holding out hope that he would feel a squeeze in return.

“I think it’s going to rain,” he said, his eyes seeming to focus on something far away. “Well, there’s going to be a thunderstorm anyway. I’m assuming there will be rain. The wizards keep saying that they’ll soon have perfected the art of predicting the weather, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. You know wizards - all pomp and hype but very little actually happens.” He let out a quiet laugh. “But that’s the reason you like them, isn’t it? Keep mainly to themselves, and don’t cause any trouble. Least, not in this realm anyway.  

“Hopefully it’ll rain enough to wash the streets a bit. It might help the smell. I know you loved to go on patrol in the rain. There was always so little trouble, and the streets just spoke to you. You could just walk the whole length of the city and it would be just you and her. When the nights were warm and clear you always had to share her with everyone else and I know you hated that. I have never known anyone else who loved the city more than you.

“I remember the night you first kissed me. It was the night of that huge storm, and the rain was so heavy that it almost felt like a solid wall of water. You weren’t that fond of the weather that night! I knew you’d be out, since you wouldn’t make anyone else walk patrol in those conditions if you weren’t willing to do it yourself. So I tracked you down, and found you tucked in behind one of the statues near the university. I could hardly see you, and you certainly didn’t see me coming!” He laughed again, and lifted the hand to his lips to give it a kiss. “I stepped up next to you and you whirled around and punched me! Oh, the look on your face when you realised that it was me who you’d struck. You took my face in your hands and examined it, making sure that nothing was broken. But then the panic faded from your eyes and then I saw that  _ other _ look in your eyes. I’ve seen it many times since then, but that first time I’m sure my heart stopped beating for a moment. It was fire, and passion, and need, and want and then you were just  _ there _ , kissing me like I was your lifeline. 

“I had never been kissed like that before, and I knew straight away that I never wanted to kiss anyone else, ever again. When we broke apart I could see the warring emotions on your face - you didn’t know if you would be fired or fucked. Well, we both know which one I chose to do. Oh my Sam, you made me feel more alive and desired in that little nook than I had ever thought possible. I had thought I would always be alone - that my power and position would keep me at arm’s length from anyone I cared about. But not you. That never bothered you, did it? To you I was just a man - a man who usually made you so angry that you waged war on my walls.

“Remember that night we’d snuck out together, wearing those ridiculous disguises. We were so sure that people would know immediately who we were, but they must have been that bad that no one could possibly believe anyone would wear such bad disguises and we were just two poor unfortunate souls born with poor eyesight and overgrown moustaches. We stumbled upon a festival and we laughed, and drank, and ate, and forgot about our jobs, and our roles, and were just men. You pulled me into a throng of dancing people and twirled me in your arms, and held me close, and kissed me in front of everyone. But no one cared, and no one jeered, and no one threw rocks. And I wondered if this is what normal people felt like every day and I longed so much to be normal.

“But the night came to an end and we snuck back to the palace where you kissed me goodnight, before you melted away into the dark. And I went to my rooms and I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried myself to sleep because I knew that our lives would never be normal. I’d never be able to yell to the world that I loved you and you loved me and that we were happy. 

“I think you knew how much it hurt me that we couldn’t do that. I think that’s why every year for the next fifteen years you took me to the festival, so we could have just one night where we could pretend. It’s coming up next week and I wish so much that we could go. To have just one more night there with you…

“I suppose I’ll just have to throw myself into my work to keep myself distracted. To forget that you’re not there with me, to snuggle up to at night and to talk to when it all gets too much. You always said I work too much, and it’s time I gave it up and retired. But is there anyone else you’d trust with the city? I’ve sworn to look after her for you as long as I can, and I won’t let anyone hurt her. You’d never forgive me if I left her in the hands of some incompetent fool who would undo all the hard work we’ve accomplished together. Because I couldn’t have ever done this without you. You are the one who pushed me, and made me strive to do better, to be better. You’re the one who made me the man that I am. It’s all because of you. It’s always been you, Sam.”

The hand he was holding twitched, and Vetinari looked up hopefully. Brown eyes opened, and for just one moment, he thought he saw recognition. “Sam?” he asked.

“Good morning,” Sam said in a weary voice. “What time is it?”

“Just past nine in the morning.”

“I seem to have slept in.”

“That’s alright. You were very tired.”

“Mmm, yes, I was.” He looked in confusion at their linked hands. “Do you work here? Sorry, I’m horrible with names, I don’t seem to remember yours.”

Vetinari’s eyes filled with tears and he gently let go. “It’s Havelock.”

“Havelock? I know a young man with the same name. He’s training to be an assassin, but to tell you the truth, he’s such a clever man that I think one day he’ll end up ruling the city.”

“Is that so?”

“Mmm, yes, I think he’d be perfect for the role. A very dedicated young man, who has the most wonderful ideas. He would really make Ankh-Morpork shine again.”

“He sounds like he would make an excellent Patrician.”

“Oh yes. I really think he would.” Sam’s eyes drooped. “Oh my, I’m so very tired. Do you think they’d mind if I had a nap before breakfast? I can’t seem to keep my eyes open.”

Havelock stood up. “I don’t think they’d mind at all.” He pulled the blankets up and tucked them in about Sam’s shoulders. He tried to say goodbye but Sam had already fallen asleep. He pressed a kiss to his temple and whispered “I love you.” He left the room, and leaned against the wall of the corridor. Tears were streaming down his face and he clutched at his chest, trying to keep the shattered pieces of his heart from bursting from his chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. Don't worry, I'm bawling too. I'm a horrible person.


End file.
